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Speaker Dialogue
(Little Castle)
Nanny Plum Fairy cakes! Who wants fairy cakes?
Holly Ooh! Yes please!
Nanny Plum Wise Old Elf?
WOE Mmm! Don't mind if I do. Ahh! My ears are wiggling! That means there's magic about!
Nanny Plum Well, I did make the cakes with magic.
WOE Why can't you make cakes the normal way; by baking them in the oven.
Nanny Plum I don't have time for baking in ovens! I have lots of work to do.
WOE Pah! What work?
Nanny Plum I do more work than you!
WOE No you don't. I do more work than you.
Nanny Plum I could do what you do, no problem!
WOE I could do what you do, easily!
Holly Why don't you swap jobs?
Ben Then you'd know who does the most work.
King Thistle Good idea!
WOE Ho ho ho! Very funny, your majesty.
King Thistle I'm not joking. As your king, I command you to swap jobs for one day.
Holly The Wise Old Elf can be Nanny.
Ben And Nanny can be the Wise Old Elf.
Nanny Plum But-
WOE But-
King Thistle No buts! It's a royal command.
WOE Alright then. You'd better have my hat.
Nanny Plum And you'd better have my apron.
WOE Now I'd better warn the elves what they're in for.
(Great Elf Tree)
WOE Calling all elves! Just for today, somebody else is going to be the Wise Old Elf.
Mr Elf Who is it?
Nanny Plum Me!
Mr Elf *GASP* Nanny Plum?!
WOE Don't worry, she won't do any magic. She has to do everything the elf way.
Nanny Plum "I'm the Wise Old Elf. *AHEM* Magic always leads to trouble!"
WOE Well I have to go, I'm being Nanny Plum for the day. Goodbye!
WOE Ugh, I should've taken Nanny's wand away.
Holly Don't worry, Nanny said she wouldn't do any magic.
WOE Hmm. I'll know if she does. My ears will wiggle.
Nanny Plum So, what does the Wise Old Elf do all day?
Ben He has a list of jobs. He starts with the toy factory.
(Toy Factory)
Nanny Plum Hello everyone. I'm the Wise Old Elf. *PARP!*
Mr Elf (Don't worry, it's just for today.)
Mrs Elf Oh I see. Um, well Wise Old Elf, the gloop machine is broken. Can you fix it?
Nanny Plum No problem-o. Time for a bit of magic!
WOE My ears are wiggling! Nanny is doing magic!
Nanny Plum (On the phone) Hello?
WOE (Through the phone) NO MAGIC!
Nanny Plum (On the phone) Alright. Keep your hair on!
Ben Nanny, you're the Wise Old Elf today. Remember?
Nanny Plum Oh yes. How would he fix the gloop machine?
Mrs Elf He'd probably just kick it.
Nanny Plum Okay.
Elf Worker #1 The packaging machine isn't working.
Nanny Plum Do you want me to kick it?
Elf Worker #1 Yes, please! Wise Old Elf.
Mr Elf The paint machine needs fixing.
Nanny Plum Ugh. My foot's beginning to ache!
(Little Castle)
King Thistle Ah, Wise Old Elf.
WOE I'm Nanny Plum today, your majesty. Do you have Nanny's list of jobs?
King Thistle List of jobs? I don't think she has one.
Queen Thistle Nanny isn't one for lists.
King Thistle Why not start by washing my socks?
WOE Alright, let's go down to the washing room.

Oh! These stairs are going up. But a moment ago, they went down!

Holly Yes! It's magic. The stairs change all the time.
Queen Thistle The rooms get bored, so they move around.
King Thistle The toilet was on the roof once!
Queen Thistle Yes... that was fun.
WOE But how do I get down to the kitchen?
Holly You ask the stairs to go down.
WOE Stairs, go down.
Queen Thistle You have to say the magic word.
WOE What magic word? Abracadabra?
Queen Thistle No... "please".
WOE Ugh. Please go down. Thank you.
(Kitchen)
WOE Right, let's get these dirty clothes into the washing machine.

How do I turn it on?

Holly It's a magic washing machine. You have to talk to it.
WOE Okay. Washing machine, wash the clothes.
Washing Machine Say the magic word.
WOE Ugh. Please?
Washing Machine No. "Abracadabra".
WOE UGH. Abracadabra.Goodness. This is harder than I thought it would be.
(Great Elf Tree)
Nanny Plum Right then. What does the Wise Old Elf do next?
Ben Next on the list: Elf School.
(Elf School)
Nanny Plum Good morning, children.
Barnaby Where's the Wise Old Elf?
Nanny Plum Today, I'm the Wise Old Elf.

*AHEM* "Magic always leads to trouble!" *PARP!*

Nanny Plum So, what's today's lesson?
Jake We've been building a robot.
Barnaby You can ask him anything.
Nanny Plum Okay. Where am I?
Robot You. are on. the Moon.
Jake That's not right, is it?
Barnaby Um, maybe ask louder.
Nanny Plum Okay. *AHEM* WHERE AM I?!
Robot You. are at. the bottom. of the. sea.
Nanny Plum Hmm. How would the Wise Old Elf mend it?
Jake He'd probably disassemble the Bios Kernel. Bermium Geek Logic Higgs Boson Quark, and then re-wire the-
Nanny Plum Even if I had the foggiest idea what you were talking about, do you see me doing that?
Jake ...No.
Nanny Plum Okay. Magic time!
WOE Dee-dee-da~ dum-dee- AHH! My ears are wiggling!
Nanny Plum Now, where am I?
Robot You. are. here.
Nanny Plum You can't get more accurate than that.
Nanny Plum (On the phone) Hello?
WOE (Through the phone) Nanny.
Nanny Plum (On the phone) I know, your ears are wiggling.
(Little Castle)
WOE (Through the phone) Which means you are doing magic!

STOP IT! Stop it, now!

WOE I. do. not. like. MAGIC.Now Holly. What is my next job?
Holly ...Um. Magic school.
WOE Ugh.
(Magic School)
WOE Good morning children. I am Nanny Plum, for today.
Children Good morning, Nanny Plum!
WOE Today's magic lesson is: Magic always leads to trouble. So don't do magic. The end.
Violet Is that it?
WOE Yes. Now, I think I'll have a little nap.
(NP's Bedroom)
WOE So, this is Nanny Plum's bedroom? It's all flowers, bunnies and cushions!
Holly Lovely, isn't it?
WOE At least I can have a little sleep.

AHH! It's so soft! It's not a bed, it's a giant pudding!

(Elf School)
Nanny Plum What's next?
Ben The Wise Old Elf has a little nap.
(WOE's Bedroom)
Nanny Plum Sooo, this is the Wise Old Elf's bedroom? How could a room be more boring!

OOW! That's not a bed! It's a plank of wood!

Mr Elf (Through the intercom) Wise Old Elf! Please report to Elf Rescue.
Nanny Plum Ugh. What now?
(Elf Rescue HQ)
Ben You have to sit here and wait for the red phone to ring.
Mrs Elf If the red phone rings, you launch Elf Rescue and save people from deadly peril!
Nanny Plum Are there biscuits?
Mrs Elf Yes!
Nanny Plum Oh, goody.
(NP's Bedroom)
WOE Ohh! How can a bed be so soft?!
King Thistle (From downstairs) Naaaanny!
WOE Ugh! What is it now?
(Living Room)
King Thistle Nanny! I want a snack!
(Kitchen)
King Thistle (From the other room) NANNY!!!
WOE Okay, your majesty!

Aha, jelly.

(Living Room)
WOE Your snack, King Thistle.
King Thistle Lovely! What is it?
WOE Jelly.
King Thistle AH! That's magic jelly! We don't want a jelly flood...
WOE Hoho! There's not going to be a jelly flood.
King Thistle But all it takes is someone to shout (magic jelly, more, more, more...)!
WOE Who would be foolish enough to shout: MAGIC JELLY! MORE, MORE, MORE.

Whoops.

King Thistle JELLY FLOOD!!!
(Elf Rescue HQ)
Nanny Plum Can somebody answer the phone? I'm busy eating biscuits.
Ben Nanny! You're in charge!
Nanny Plum Oh, alright. (On the phone) Hello, Elf Rescue here. It'd better be something important.
WOE Uh, um. I- I seem to have made a jelly flood. Can you rescue us, please...?
Nanny Plum Okie-dokie. Elf Rescue are go. Launch everything!
Mr Elf Elf Rocket a-okay!
Elf Worker #1 Elf Plane a-okay!
Elf Worker #2 Elf Helicopter a-okay!
(Little Castle)
Everyone Hooray!
WOE Thank goodness you're here, Elf Rescue!
Nanny Plum A jelly flood isn't a job for Elf Rescue. It's a job for Nanny Plum! Magic time!
WOE Thank you, Nanny. Being you for a day wasn't easy.
Nanny Plum And it wasn't easy being you either.

Ahh. I'm Nanny Plum again!

WOE And I'm the Wise Old Elf. *PARP!*
King Thistle Good, everything is back to normal.
Everyone Hooray!
Nanny Plum Can I celebrate by turning you into a frog?
Wise Old Elf Don't even think about-

-turning me into a frog.